Clinical Depression is a bitch of a diagnosis.
(I promise the song review is in here somewhere)
Not sure if you’ve noticed but it’s been fairly quiet on this side of the internet. Juliexplores has been missing the motivation that is used to keep this site running and truly, it’s been one hell of a month. June is my favorite, minus the heat but add the rainbows and Pride month fills my heart with pure joy every single year. So of course, this year I find myself on the other end of clinical depression on this beautiful June and it’s been a struggle to get out of bed on a daily basis. There’s a long list of things that have made me hypersensitive this month, but I’ll save that for another post.
The thing is, earlier this week I found myself doubting my writing and if you’ve been around for a while you will note that I have a gift for doubting my writing ability, but this time was different. This time I wasn’t just doubting my ability, I was doubting the entirety of my plan. Writer … is that what I’m meant to be? Is it too late to realize that I’m not meant to be a writer at all? Am I publishing these posts into the void? Does it even make a difference?
Then like a sign straight from The Universe, I get a DM on Instagram from an old friend. My friend remembered that I was a writer and was asking that I look over her recently finished script and like a lightning bolt through my body, I felt alive with inspiration. It took me two days to finish the 110 beautifully-inspirational pages and suddenly I hate myself for wasting time on the second-guessing of myself.
So there I am, having finished the script and almost ready to get my butt in gear when Demi Lovato releases a new song. Now truthfully, my relationship with Demi Lovato is a complicated one but her last album truly won me over. I bring it up in conversation at least once a month because Tell Me You Love Me was her best album yet and I’m ready to fight anyone who says otherwise. So anyway, Demi released “Sober” earlier today and my initial reaction after listening to the song was to find her and hug her but due to the fact that we don’t actually know each other, that was impossible so I figured that this was the next best thing.
Demi Lovato has been sober for six years and in her latest single she admits to relapsing.
I got no excuses
For all of these goodbyes
Call me when it’s over
‘Cause I’m dying inside
Wake me when the shakes are gone
And the cold sweats disappear
Call me when it’s over
And myself has reappeared
This song is a beautiful showcase of vulnerability, with a simple instrumental track and her voice leading the way, it’s Demi’s vocals that take center stage. You find the heart of the song in the vocals that softly break at the end of a sentence and the quick breaths between words. At one point in the song Demi finds herself apologizing to her fans and wishing she was a better role model, I wanna be a role model/ but I’m only human, which makes it heartbreakingly clear that she doesn’t realize the magic she has created.
Demi is the kind of role model I hope my niece has when she gets older; a flawed woman who actively works to be a better person, a woman who admits defeat and tries again, a woman who takes her pain and turns it into beautiful art. I don’t know what addiction feels like and I don’t know how painful it must be to relapse, but I know what it feels like to pick yourself up from your darkest moments. I know what it’s like to feel as if a dark cloud is constantly surrounding you. I know what letting people down feels like and for Demi to openly discuss her issues in “Sober” is admirable. This song, with all of its heartache and honesty is a beautiful proclamation of strength.
Demi was put on this crazy world to sing and I now know that I was put on this crazy world to write. No more doubting, no more letting depression win, I will take my broken pieces and I will create something magical out of them.
To Demi, I hope you’re doing better. I hope you don’t allow the pressures of not letting your fanbase down consume you. I hope you see the outpouring of support and I hope it helps with the uneasy feeling in your stomach that came with letting your demons out into the world. I truly hope your sobriety remains intact and if you falter, I hope you come back to us. Thank you for “Sober”.