The song for this week’s Music Monday may seem a bit random; it’s not on top of the charts and it’s not newly released. It’s actually hidden within an Original Broadway Cast recording album of the Musical, Waitress. I promise there’s a method to my random state of mind.
Earlier this year I was lucky enough to travel to New York to experience the musical Waitress, this was an emotional trip. Not only because it was the same trip where I met the love of my life, Jake Gyllenhaal, but also because I have followed the journey of Waitress since it was just one song that Sara Bareilles was sharing with us at a concert. You see, I have listened to this album hundreds of times and I know most of the words by heart; but it wasn’t until this past weekend when I was driving home from my parents’, that one song in particular stood out.
“What Baking Can Do”.
This song has always been one of my favorites on the album because Jessie Mueller’s vocal range is outstanding in this song. Yet, this song grasped at my soul this last time I listened to it; isn’t that always the case though? Music somehow finds its way into your psyche, when you need it the most. So there I am out-of-key belting out the song when certain lyrics keep jumping out at me. I had to replay the song a few times until I finally got the message.
Truth be told; I’ve been struggling lately. You probably haven’t noticed but I’ve gone down to posting once a week and even then, the posts are half-assed and missing my heart. It’s not writer’s block, it’s more than that unfortunately. It’s a self-doubt that creeps up at the quietest of times and it has made it impossible to share my writing.
“What Baking Can Do” is a magnificent song; this is where you get a sense of what this story is truly about. Jenna is a, you guessed it, waitress; her life is underwhelming in all aspects except when she’s making a pie. Her story gets told through her baking and a little bit of her falls into every single pie she makes.
I can fix this
I can twist it into sugar, butter covered pieces
Never mind what’s underneath it
I have done it before
I’ll bake me a door to help me get through
I learned that from you
Mama, it’s amazing what baking can do
It’s while I was belting the following words on the 10 freeway, “Make it up/And surprise them/Tell them all my secrets but disguise them/So they dance on the tongue/Of the very people that they’re secrets from” that I realized where my uneasy feeling about my writing was coming from.
I’m currently working on a movie, it’s extremely autobiographical and I am hesitating. Every single word feels like it’s getting pulled from my heart and my fingers second-guess themselves as they type. I am sharing so much of myself in this story, I am putting my deepest and darkest secret out there; what if nothing ever comes from it? What if I give myself away and realize that no one cares to hear the tragedies I’ve gone through? Though now, as I write this down, I am realizing how narcissistic I sound *sigh*.
The thing is, a little bit of myself is sprinkled into everything I write; even when I review music I can’t help but have a personal connection to it. My writing usually comes easy to me, but writing this movie makes me think about this movie becoming a reality, which then makes me think of people actually watching it, which then makes me want to throw up a little bit in my mouth. So this Monday, this week, this month, this life I choose to be as unwavering in my belief in myself as Jenna is in herself by the end of Waitress the Musical. Maybe I write this and my story never leaves the page or maybe I write this and it impacts one life; that’s the goal.
So gather the strongest part of yourself, listen to “What Baking Can Do” and conquer your world.
Ps. If you are in New York please watch this musical; the halls smell like pie, the music is powerful, the story is emotional and there’s nothing like the feeling you get when you realize you’re crying alongside 1,000 other people.
Pps. this is my first post of August, so lets make this the best month in 2017 yet! … I mean, it’s going to be difficult to beat February, I did meet my future husband then but lets give it a try anyway. 🙂