A few months ago, I found myself in a relationship with a manipulator; I’m using the term relationship very loosely. We were kind of seeing each other and it was kind of getting serious; like I met his friends kind of serious. The point is, I have taken a lot of therapy and have done a lot of self reflection in order to not be in these situations. Yet, there I was one month into knowing this man and making excuses for his behavior. Look, I’m no stranger to abusive relationships; physical or emotional and though I know all of the signs I somehow found myself slowly getting into one at 27 years old.
The thing about these kind of men is that they know exactly what they’re doing. They give you just enough care, respect and sweet words so that they keep you coming back for more. Let me be very clear: this man did not put his hands on me. However, his words constantly felt like bricks against my skin.
It started innocently enough; a comment about my writing, “I’m sure you could find something more important to write about than music. Unless you’re only a good writer when you’re writing about non-important subjects.” It continued after I vented to him about family, “If I didn’t know any better I’d think that your family was just another stereotypical Latin family.” I let it happen again with my friends, “Do you have any friends that are successful? Or is your friendship circle full of ‘try-ers’?”
I know terrible.
Yet; instead of cursing him out and walking away, I found myself coming back and attempting to prove him wrong. Every time he put me down, I would try and try to prove him wrong. It became like a game and I found myself constantly full of anxiety, “what is he going to say today?” Thankfully the situation only lasted about a month and a half. I finally called it quits when he yelled at me during his friend’s dinner party- in front of his friends.
After I realized how terribly I allowed this man to treat me, I did a lot of self reflection. I’m (myself and my therapist) still trying to figure what inside of me accepted this treatment. Why did I feel the need to keep coming back? Which brings me to the song for this week’s Music Monday: Poet by Bibi Bourelly
I’ve recently found myself obsessed with this woman; her voice is gritty, her songs are full of emotion and her lyrics found their happy place in the broken pieces inside of me. Her song “Poet” stuck out the moment I listened to her latest EP Free the Real Pt #2.
My sweetest poison, my entertainer
I’m like the canvas
You’re like my painter
You exploit me, my perpetrator
You paranoy me, my troublemaker
Though the song is difficult to listen to since it describes a toxic relationship, it’s refreshing to see someone else’s take on your similar situation. The entire EP is worth a listen but “Poet” is full of desperation and raw vocals; this song needs to be in your life. The stand-out lyric of the song is, “You’re like a riddle and when I look inside your eyes you make me feel little”.
Bibi Bourelly started out as a songwriter, you might be aware of one of her hits “Bitch Better Have My Money” by Rihanna. After creating the hits for other artists, she’s slowly releasing her own music and we are only seeing the beginning. This girl is about to blow up and I am so glad to jump on this bandwagon. Go listen to her EP and go fall in love with her voice.
Also, learn from me and please, please know the signs of an abusive relationship. xx