The intensity of looking someone in the eye, which can feel simultaneously invasive and vulnerable.
As if you were peering through one’s soul.
The Universe has a way of bringing me reassurance, in the form of music, when I need it the most.
So, I’m dating.
I could practically hear the sound of every jaw dropping when they read that statement. Listen, I have been famously single for *mumbles* and you know this new development is major news because I rarely let anybody know when I date. I’m dating one particular human right now and it’s going … kind of great.
Dating is terrifying. The act of allowing someone into your life feels overwhelming and I’ve been struggling with that. I have this really great habit of pushing people away when things are going well. I allow my insecurities to rush out of me, in an attempt to scare the person away. I think it’s a way to prove to myself that I am too difficult to love but he has yet to run. He calls me out on my defense mechanisms and reassures me that he’s not deterred by my constant second-guessing. Who knows what will come of this but I’m choosing to be happy in this moment.
A few days ago a friend sent me the song “Opia” by Savannah Ré and I felt seen and understood immediately.
Sometimes our greatest desire
And our greatest fear, simultaneously
Can be to love and be loved by others
Why? Because in order for me to truly let you love me
I have to be willing to let you see me naked, metaphorically speaking
That’s intimacy, into me, see
But that’s uncomfortable, so I’d rather hide
Because I’m scared that if you saw the real me, you’d reject me
Savannah Ré is a Toronto-Based R&B singer. Her debut album Opia was released in November of last year and it’s a necessary listen for anyone who continues to say that R&B is dead. She is honest in her songwriting, vulnerable with her melodies and brings a sincere perspective to the genre.
It’s a beautiful thing to feel understood and Savannah has done just that with her song, “Opia”. There’s a freedom that comes when you find something that perfectly describes what you’re feeling. Healing feels like a magnificent weight lifted off your shoulders and how lucky am I to have a song to accompany the journey?
Here’s to healing while attempting to grow with another person. The journey to a better you doesn’t have to be lonely. May we all find someone who doesn’t dismiss our insecurities and instead holds them close and assures us that they’re not running.
If I lеt you see me, would we make it?
Hatе being naked
Sometimes I just need more than you can give
Maybe that’s selfish