… and suddenly I am 2 years away from turning 30.
Another day of birth has come and gone as I find myself sitting here reminiscing over the last year of my life. 27 was … powerful. 27 was heartbreaking, painful and magical all wrapped into 365 days. 27 had live music, new cities that I fell in love with (New Orleans), old cities that have captured my heart (New York), Jake Gyllenhaal sightings (how many times do I have to be in the same room as Jake Gyllenhaal before it’s considered stalking?), heartbreak (that felt like it would never end), laughter (that I hoped would never end), writing (SO MUCH WRITING) and so much love that I often felt as if my heart was about to burst.
If I could capture 27 in a song it would be A Beautiful Mess by Jason Mraz. This is the second Jason Mraz song that I fell in love with; I always felt like it perfectly described my existence and that became extremely evident throughout my 27th year of life.
I’ve always believed that I am a human created by a series of contradictions but I’ve consistently struggled to come to terms with that. I’ve always tried to mold myself into a certain kind of person but I’ve recently realized that maybe I’m the kind of person that cannot be molded; I am chaotic, ridiculous and truly a beautiful mess of a human being.
You are strong but you’re needy,
Humble but you’re greedy
Based on your body language,
Your shouted cursive I’ve been reading
You’re style is quite selective,
Though your mind is rather reckless
Well I guess it just suggests
That this is just what happiness is
27 taught me independence. 27 catapulted me into a world where I had to fend for myself and I have never been more grateful to have had the rug pulled from under me. I had to learn how to talk myself into uncomfortable situations. I had to push myself into awkward (but sometimes wonderful) first dates. I stood up for myself even when it created unbearable situations. I currently sit here on the first day of my 28th year of life and I more confident than I’ve ever been, I mean the pink hair definitely helps in that department.
I am beginning 28 being perfectly aware of the magical human being that I am. I have struggled with self esteem issues all of my life and for the first time ever, I stare into a mirror and I am OBSESSED with the human being that stares back. Life has been a series of agonizing situations and yet I feel nothing but gratitude for the heartache, the betrayal, the anger, the disappointment and the many tears.
I celebrated my birthday with friends on Saturday and family on Sunday; the weekend was perfect. 27 brought extraordinary people into my life and it allowed insignificant people to make powerful exits from my life. Though the exits were painful, the people that have stuck through the chaotic and often over-emotional moments, definitely make this crazy thing called life absolutely worth it.
Maybe 28 will be heartbreaking and maybe it’ll be magic in a bottle; whatever this next year brings I know that I’ll be ready. I will write my heart into success, I will unapologetically love, I will continue to fight over the injustices that are created by our current administration (she says trying to not linger on the political issues), I will push myself out of my comfort zone and I will continue to be the chaotic human being that I was always destined to be.
27 was wonderful and 28 will have me embracing the BEAUTIFUL MESS that is life.