So I guess that’s fitting that we’re in Mental Health Awareness Month. Ladies & Gentlemen, I am currently on the struggle bus. Thank you depression, you always know when to show up.
I dare you to scroll on Twitter for 5 minutes without feeling completely drained. The news cycle, the damn celebrities, the way that everything feels so bleak. Yes, I’m struggling. I’m struggling to find the light at the end of the tunnel here and it kind of seems like we all are. We know that I’ve been here before; but now that I have company, does that make it any better? The answer is no.
I know what you all were thinking, I know that you all figured that I would be thriving in isolation. I mean, the queen of cancelling plans, the master of finding last minute excuses; clearly isolation is what I needed. Sure, the first few weeks were great; I picked up a hobby, I started writing, I cleaned and cleaned and life was good. But that can only last for so long. Three weeks to be exact.
Now? I’m trapped in this apartment with me, myself and my depression.
It comes in waves. I couldn’t tell you the ratio between my good and bad days; they all clump together in a way that makes me loose track of time easily. Lately, the bad days are accompanied by a massive headache that lingers throughout the day. Before all of this started, on my low days I could get on social media and easily find the good. Now I get on there and find people that can relate in my misery. Everyone is hurting and again, the light at the end of the tunnel is nowhere to be found.
Plus the fact that I’m a creative is adding a level of stress to all of this that I didn’t foresee coming. I’m either kicking myself for not writing or kicking myself for writing when so many of my creative friends are struggling right now. Again, my brain is fun.
So how do I cope? Music. Lots and lots of music. I’ve been watching a lot of movies lately but I save the dramas for my good days and gather all the cheesy movies I can find for my bad days. I haven’t completely abandoned painting, so it’s there if I absolutely need it. FaceTime saves the day constantly. It is amazing to see the many ways people have found to feel closer to one another in a time of isolation. I don’t have all the answers, some people may say that I don’t have ANY of the answers.
I just know that times are hard and life is often complicated so the best thing we can do right now is be kind to ourselves. Especially on the days when our brains turn against us; the best we can do is find the goodness amidst the chaos.
The CDC put out some information that could be helpful for coping with the stress and you can find that HERE.