Consider these the first words I’ve put any intent behind this year.
Look, I may not always show up on time, but I always show up. Happy New Year!
Anyone else feeling extremely overwhelmed and on the brink of falling apart? I’m just really excited to find out what 2020 and the first week of 2021 has done to our long-term mental health. I find myself looking for the right words but nothing I come up with feels impactful enough to express the trauma we’ve all been through. Every single day is a new catastrophe that I must attempt to wrap my head around and I am exhausted. As much as everyone talks about getting past all of this, I don’t think we’ll be doing that anytime soon. I think the days of standing in the middle of sweaty dance floors, bumping into strangers, is far gone. Which is a fact that makes me extremely sad.
The natural high that comes with the new year is nowhere to be seen this year. Sure goals were set, manifestations were written down, sage ran through my house but the excitement of it all is nowhere to be seen. However, I’m trying to focus on the good. I have hours upon hours to write. I was accredited a press pass for virtual Sundance this year. I am dating!
We are working through my past trauma and I must say: it’s been quite liberating. It’s the whole dating during a pandemic that feels overwhelming. Finding out who is taking all of this seriously, who is willing to social distance, who is willing to get COVID tested; it’s a lot. Yet, I would say it’s all going kind of great.
I will admit to previously being on the “who will love you if you don’t love yourself?” train, but what I am discovering is: you and your broken pieces are worthy of love. You are allowed to heal, while someone is by your side cheering you on.
So here we are, at the beginning of what is sure to be a tumultuous year and I hope you are all taking care of yourselves. This isolation can be extremely suffocating and I hope you are all taking the necessary steps to survive through it all. When it all feels overwhelming, just know you can always come back here to read my chaotic thoughts about any number of subjects.